I am sticking to my rant from the other day, but I also wanted to bring up another thought I had.
So with COVID-19 and all the other nonsense happening, its just going to be my boyfriend and I this year for Christmas Eve. I am already annoyed that I have to go to work today and the feeling is just snowballing. ( I know I said I hate the holidays- and I do, but I at least try a LITTLE bit. I like to enjoy my free time as much as possible.)
I am trying to forget the fact that my boyfriend couldn’t even be bothered to get me a card this year for my birthday. He also let me know he was not getting me any gifts because he “didn’t have the money”. Meanwhile I know for damn sure he got his kid something and is hiding it from me. That is another argument entirely-aka who is more important and the reiteration that it is never me and I will always lose.
It’s not about the gifts though, it is the effort that he makes to make me feel appreciated. I don’t really need a possession, I just want to know I am being thought of.
I am doing my best today not to fight-I also bought his kid a ton of stuff because he said he couldn’t. I am afraid this will become a pattern. Frankly, I am tired of bailing him out. I already do everything and he wanted more money from me for just rent-or so he says. I doubt that. I am not going to go in to what “doing everything” entails but basically, he has no responsibility other than to himself and to his kid-everything else is done. He clicks pay now on the rent portal. That is it.
So I am feeling annoyed that I cant be home relaxing right now. I’m angry that I had to buy and wrap all my own gifts. I also am excited, because I do enjoy giving gifts. Its just like when is it my turn to be taken care of?
I am always relied on but when it comes time for something to happen for me, he's nowhere to be found. I feel like I am the maid, the cook and the provider.
Its not fair.
